


Storage Wars!

by GimbleGamble



Series: Mumbo-centric [1]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Anal, Biting, Blowjobs, Fondling, Foursome - M/M/M/M, IOUs, Innuendoes, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Polyhermits - Freeform, Soz, Suggestive Themes, Wild assumptions, a lot happened, boning inbound, but like in a funny way, costume shenanigans, cursing, everyone is crude, everything's a bit spicy, fixed relationship tags to denote the preferences, i reread a chapter like ten times before posting, invis potions smell like sweet fermented carrots, its such an integral part of this story it felt like it needed its own tag, lube recipe, mischief!, mumbo gets distracted in the middle of boning, mumbo-centric, regen potions taste like seasalt icecream, still have mistakes, suit jacket
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:34:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GimbleGamble/pseuds/GimbleGamble
Summary: An innocent jacket just caused one of the biggest bidding wars in the history of Hermitcraft and Mumbo is none the wiser. Three bidders in particular are doing everything in their power to come out on top. Will the issue be sorted out before the gravel falls? will the three hermits come to an understanding? the clock is ticking.
Relationships: Doc/Xisuma/Mumbo/Scar, MumScar, MumSuma, Mumdoc
Series: Mumbo-centric [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723618
Comments: 61
Kudos: 201





	1. Bidding wars are welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> Sup babes, I've finally convinced myself to post this thing lol. Inspired heavily by the the events with the same name last season six. This is gonna go for 6 or 7 chapters. May post some bonus chappies afterwards lol.

Mumbo wiped the sweat from his brow with a contented sigh. The storage containers were done, the mechanism for the bidding was tried tested and true, signs were written, and all errant redstone was brushed off. The last storage container he made contained a set he was particularly proud of.

It was a simple but elegant bedroom set. The bed was two wide sporting comfortable silk linens underneath a plush duvet, there were end tables on each side with lanterns emitting a warm glow, the dark oak floor of the container contrasted well with the red of the duvet. The real star of the show was the bed itself, sporting some subtle redstone upgrades like heating for when winter comes around and a built in sound system to name a few. He wondered briefly if he would've rather built it at his base instead.

As he was packing up his redstone shulker box he received a rather urgent message from Iskall.

>Iskall: MUMBO MEET AT SAHARA EMERGENCY

'well that's concerning' he thought, dumping all the components inside. He was equipping his gear on the way outside the container and almost left his redstone shulker box again "not today!" he yelled triumphantly snatching it up as the gravel rose. With a haphazard take off, he was well on his way to Sahara.

\---

>Mumbo: STORAGE WARS NOW OPEN!!!

Xisuma grinned. Mumbo was hyping up this current project non-stop for the past couple of days and he's been itching to know more. Excellent timing as well since he needed to restock the free wool pit anyways. Making sure that the wool shulker on him was full to the brim he took to the skies on the way to the storage wars.

Arriving at the site Xisuma whistled at the build, there was fire, gravel, and the curious enticing buttons in front of what he assumes is a gravel piston door. He plucked the book from the item frame and carefully read through the instruction booklet. Taking time to decipher what exactly Mumbo meant with all the capital letters and erratic exclamation points, he almost didn't notice the sound of rockets and eventual landing of another hermit nearby.

"Hey Zisuma" Doc's voice pulled him from the book

"Doc! checking out the new thing?" he asked beckoning Doc over, sharing the book, he hoped that doc can make sense of the information dump that was Mumbo's writing.

WELCOME TO STORAGE WARS

the concept is simple:

1\. Grab some bidding chips and  
rename them to your name.  
Each chip represents 1 diamond

2\. When you hit the button the  
door will open.  
DO NOT! Go inside  
DO NOT! Open any containers  
DO NOT! Break anything

3\. The door will open for about  
5 seconds. You can only open each  
door once.

You must then place your bid based  
on what you have briefly seen.

When the bidding period ends in 8  
days the winning bidder must swap  
the chips for diamonds.

Once paid the container is yours!  
Head inside and see if you spent  
your diamonds wisely, or if you  
have made a regrettable decision :D

EXTRA DETAIL!!!  
Bidding wars are welcome!

"This is new" Doc hummed a twinge of amusement pulling at the sides of his lips.

"Should we look at these boxes together, old friend?" Xisuma patted Doc's shoulder lightly guiding him to the buttons barely containing his giddiness.

-click- and the gravel fell, various 'ooh's and 'aah's escaped the duo as they went down the line -click-

"bunch of redstone huh, you think there's something valuable in the barrels?" doc asked, hands poised and itching to take a peek before the gravel shot back up. -click-

"knowing Mumbo... well your guess is as good as mine" Xisuma replied peering into the next room, empty, except for a single stone in an item frame "there's definitely something here" he squinted, doc chuckled behind him -click-

"paintings?" the duo looked at each other, bewildered. Xisuma shook his head, slight smile hidden under his helmet

"this is a bit more vague than I'd thought it would be" he said, trying hard not to laugh, even doc was in the state between confused and amused, conmused?

"right last one" Doc announced "personally, that redstone room has my attention" he elbowed Xisuma playfully.

"not if I outbid you doc" he replies with a mischievous glint in his eyes, waving some renamed bidding chips he snuck out of the barrel when doc wasn't looking. Doc gasped

"Zisuma you sly dog!" Doc laughs as Xisuma clicks the final button for the final room.

The redstone bed, which, honestly, didn't look all that special. All its inner workings were in hidden in the bed frame (something Mumbo was super proud of!) and some underneath the floor, virtually invisible. What's visible though, was Mumbo's suit jacket aesthetically draped across the bed, forgotten earlier in a rush of redstone and shulker boxes.

A stunned hush fell upon Xisuma and Doc as they looked at each other in disbelief, gears in their head turning slowly. The bed was fine, but they just couldn't wrap their heads around the inclusion of his jacket. Would that mean...? Surely its not... But everything's been vague so far, what if...?

The rush of heat came to both their faces at almost the exact same time as their imaginations ran wild. They were jolted to action by the gravel being loudly pushed back up to cover the room.

"wait wait wait wait" Doc started to no one in particular, hand clasped over his overheating face leaning at the wall for support

"my word" Xisuma had his hands on his knees struggling to stand up straight. The intensity of the intrusive thoughts that continues to run across their minds carrying a pretty hefty shock into their system.

"you saw that right?" Doc asked wildly trying and failing to keep his thoughts from coloring his face any brighter, he looked at Xisuma to see if he was doing any better with the helmet and all but even he can see the blush he was sporting through the visor.

"ok let's calm down" Xisuma mutters with shaky breath his voice taking a slight lower register. "think, would Mumbo actually... do something like this?" he asked the cyborg who was now sat down on the ground.

"I... I honestly don't know" Doc sighed finally getting a hold of himself "I know Mumbo's always been a bit eccentric, but..." he stood and dusted his pants while he internally scolded himself 'ok doc just because you've wanted to bend the brunet over and fuck him until he screams your name raw for quite some time now doesn't mean your knees should buckle at sketchy what ifs' he noticed Xisuma staring at him, crap did he say that out loud?

Xisuma didn't break eye contact as he took out a stack of the renamed bidding chips and placed them into the barrel stunning Doc.

"only one way to find out" He grins, voice still low. Doc snaps out of it, and with a smirk, laughs, voice taking on that distinct Doc intimidation flare. 

"Xisuma, you sly dog"

\----

"Okay that should take care of that for now" Iskall sighed sitting on a shulkerbox.

Running around and locating the numerous bugs on their system usually only needed one of them but a particularly rowdy minecart had taken out an important packaging line resulting in sand EVERYWHERE. Iskall was a little more than overwhelmed and thankful when Mumbo finally arrived, even Grian rushed over and helped when he saw the situation from outside the window.

They were all covered in sand and redstone dust. Mumbo was sitting on the floor besides Grian, all exhausted and achy with all the heavy lifting and minecart wrangling.

"Iskall, dude, what happened?" Mumbo groaned ruffling his hair to get the sand out "I don't remember the tracks being that messed up"

"I don't even know dude" Iskall replied collapsing on top of the box in what seems to look like a painful position.

"I'm just glad that that's over honestly" Grian chimed in dusting himself off as well "I haven't seen that much sand since- well... since I got them for Sahara I guess" Mumbo snorted while Iskall let out a small chuckle.

"sure hope there weren't any potatoes involved in this mishap" Mumbo teased making Grian dramatically gasp in faux indignation. This set off a full on Iskall laugh echoing at the cavernous Sahara packaging area.

"Slander!" Grian exclaimed making Mumbo laugh doubling over, fully laying down on the cold Sahara floor.

"oh my word, I didn't realize just how tired I am" Mumbo muttered after their laughter died down. "I just finished Storage Wars, I thought I'd be home free after that"

"oh hey! I'm gonna have to check that out man" Iskall grinned

"it's gonna be amazing" Mumbo sighs in reply

"By the way Mumbo..." Grian started, earning an inquisitive hum from the taller man "What happened to your jacket?"


	2. Scar and X decide to be horny on main

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the third day of Storage Wars and a new player decides to chip in. Sahara shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are such babes, I'm doing my darndest to reply to every comment I get because I appreciate you all <3.
> 
> I wasn't planning on updating today but the current chapter I'm working on just had me hyped with a capital D

3rd day out of 8

Its been three days since the Storage Wars started and Mumbo, still missing a suit jacket, came around to check on the bids. It’s not that he had no extra jackets, but it does feel a bit wasteful getting a new one when he knows that there was a clean one somewhere.

Starting from the nearest container he was pleased to see some fair bids coming in from his fellow hermits, there was increased interest in the redstone container and the single stone room which filled him with glee. opening the barrel for the last container, he wasn't quite ready with what he saw.

"my word" he felt breathless and utterly confused at the amount of chips inside the barrel.

Xisuma had bid a stack of chips while Doc had bid a stack and a half. The bidding duration wasn't even half done yet and they were already reaching multiple stacks of diamonds.

"They must really need a bed" he muttered, closing the barrel. The sound of fireworks approaching pulled him out of his headspace.

"Hey Mumbo!" the light and cheerful greeting was interrupted by a thud. Scar had crashed, but thankfully it was into into Xisuma's free wool pit, definitely reducing the pain of the fall, but not the burning shame, never the burning shame.

"oh! Scar! are you alright?" Mumbo rushed to the poor guy's aid trying to hide the smile tugging at his lips. Scar's clumsiness had always been endearing.

"ow, not again" Scar groaned while laughing, sinking into the soft wool. Mumbo's outstretched hand came into view "oh thank you!" he took Mumbo's hand and got pulled up to his feet.

"hey scar, what you up to today?" Mumbo asked as Scar dusted off his clothes.

"just getting some free wool for some carpet" He replied chuckling sheepishly “Kinda wish you didn’t see me crash though!” He and Mumbo both laughed.

"by the way, have you checked out the Storage Wars?" Mumbo asked not bothering to hide his excitement.

"oh! not yet, but since I'm here I might as well" Scar replied mirroring Mumbo's energy. Mumbo's projects were usually far and few in between but he knew that once there was a big one its usually worth it to take part.

He was about to ask Mumbo to show him the works when a ping from the communicator interrupted his thoughts.

>Grian: mumboooooooo Sahara meeting room pls 

Mumbo sighed running a hand through his hair. "Duty calls I guess" he laughed lightly, Scar grinned.

“Man you’re a busy bee Mumbo, if only we snatched you up for Concorp, eh?” Scar grinned slyly making Mumbo laugh again in earnest.

"Gotta admit that the prospect scares me! Anyways, looking forward to your bids scar" Mumbo replies ignoring the fact that it sounded like he's looking forward to Scar's bits, taking out a couple of rockets Mumbo took off before he had a chance to say any more weird things.

Mumbo takes off with a wave and Scar couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of disappointment with the his departure. Still, he got to see Mumbo without his suit jacket which was definitely a bonus. After grabbing a couple blocks of wool and quickly scribbling into the log book, Scar bound into the Storage Wars area and gave the book a quick read.

"bidding chips, buttons, and sneak peaks... sounds simple enough" Scar whispers to himself grabbing a handful of the bidding chips renaming them immediately. There was a slight concern as he approached the presumably complicated redstone device, while he trusted Mumbo's craftsmanship, he doesn't quite trust himself around redstone.

A quick pass through the couple of containers filled Scar with mounting curiosity. He even eyed the framed stone block a little too hard and was almost caught by the ascending gravel. He was already counting out his chips even before he arrived in front of the last button.

As he clicked the final button he was greeted by the sight of the bed and the jacket.

“huh” he exclaimed quietly “is Mumbo auctioning his jacket away?” a couple of beats passed and the gravel rose. He hummed thoughtfully, opting to take a small peek in the bid barrel to see what the other hermits think “what the heck!” came a not so quiet exclamation at the bundles of bidding chips with Doc and Xisuma's name on them. “that’s way too much for a bed!”

A new thought worms its way into Scar’s head, assisted by the ludicrous bids of his fellow hermits, the general temperament of said hermits, and the inclusion of that danged jacket. ‘not just a bed?’ the other possible options seemingly pushed him over the edge, he froze, going through an oddly similar thought process as Xisuma and Doc a couple of days ago like some sort of unskippable cut scene mostly containing Mumbo sprawled lazily in the middle of the bed ‘n-naked?’ that seemed to have done it, as the warm tingly sensation washed over Scar starting from his toes surging upward to his face.

Much jumping and panicking commenced, frantic enough to earn a curious glance from one of the many Jellies lounging around him. After a quiet ‘mrrp’ pulled him out of his thoughts, a strange sort of determination painted his features.

He pulls out four stacks of bidding chips.

\----

Mumbo flew through the opening in the window of the meeting room with the grace only a spoon can have. Inside, Grian and Iskall was seemingly in the middle of a serious conversation.

“hey guys what’s up?” he asked, concerned, after the incident earlier in the week he was a bit wary about being called back into Sahara. 

“marketing” Grian replied, Iskall nodded solemnly. “we’re thinking of something like a pamphlet drop or… some costuuuumes” Grian’s eyebrow raised accompanied by a smirk, Iskall. was beet red and sweating bullets, trying his hardest to not make a sound but seeing as the man was 20% machinery and 80% laughter it was bound to burst out sooner rather than later.

Mumbo looked at the pair with a degree of suspicion. Especially directed towards Grian. He knows Grian, he knows him AND his extensive costume collection. He couldn’t help but shudder as memories of past exploits come floating back to him.

“we’ve already decided our costumes, but since you’re late, we picked one out for you” Grian finished. There it is, laughter erupted from the Swedish man and even Grian looked like he was holding back something fierce. This only deepened the dread Mumbo was currently feeling.

“how am I late I just literally received your message!” Mumbo replied flailing his arm defensively.

“no matter! We’re starting in the middle of the shopping district in half an hour lets get you dressed!” Grian, in a whirlwind of movement went and dragged Mumbo off into the other room with Iskall, still losing his shit, trailing behind them.

\----

Xisuma sighed. He’s been running around the shopping district, collecting diamonds from his many, many shops, One, to distract himself from his thoughts and two, to maybe pay for his hail Mary bet in the Storage Wars. He made a mental note to up his bid later because he’s 100 percent sure that Doc had already beat his previous bid after his dramatic exit a couple of days ago.

He sighed again, he felt a bit silly now. He wasn’t even sure if the thing he’s bidding on is actually what he thinks it is. And the more that he thinks about it, it seems so impossible.

“and yet” he sighed once more, a tiny smile graced his lips. There was a chance maybe… What followed was a violent bloom of red painting his face to the tips of his ears. Not that anyone can see it much with the helmet and all.

He wasn’t gonna lie, ever since Mumbo first officially joined them as hermits, something started bubbling deep inside. A deep desire to be with the redstoner most of the time, thinking of projects to work on together, to be in close proximity, and maybe to even bang until the sun rises, who knows.

“Shop at Sahara!”

Xisuma’s naughty thoughts were interrupted by a fairly loud shout from somewhere. Keeping his head in a swivel he looked around for a possible source. He saw Grian by his old travelling cart shop dressed as a… rabbit? He had a pair of fluffy crème coloured ears and a matching tail over his normal clothes, whiskers were drawn on his face with a marker. To complete the look an over-sized pink bow was around his neck.

“what on earth” Xisuma involuntarily muttered, trying to process the scene, he sees Iskall dressed as a cactus posting fliers at any available surface. Xisuma squinted in disbelief. Was... was Iskall naked under his costume?

So they have a theme. Xisuma let loose a little chuckle at the scene. He saw Grian’s head snap to his direction. Seems like he’s been spotted.

“EX EYE SUMA! SHOP AT SAHARA!” Grian was waving wildly, he beckoned Xisuma closer “Iskall coupon Xisuma!” the chaotic glee in his voice just shows how much he’s enjoying what he’s doing. Iskall searched his inventory to no avail.

“argh I ran out!” he yelled “Mumbo! Coupon Xisuma!” with a loud groan Mumbo popped out from inside Grian’s travelling cart dressed… as a cat? Calico patterned ears with a matching onesie, a collar with a small golden bell was around his neck ringing with every move. It looked oddly elegant on the man, which is weird since he was basically wearing pyjamas. It wasn’t a particularly _sexy_ costume but Xisuma still felt his mouth become a little dry.

Mumbo all but trudged towards the leader. He looked slightly dishevelled, a light pink tint dusting his cheeks. He rummaged though his inventory, presumably looking for the coupons, accidentally dropping fliers in the process. Neither X nor Mumbo paid it any mind though, specially X, feeling very much like a deer in headlights.

Xisuma knows he’s acting really odd, but the recent attack to his psyche (and libido) were really throwing things in whack, not to mention the dreams he had last night. Has he mentioned them by the way? Stupid storage wars, amplifying stuff and making him far too _**aware**_.

Mumbo handed a couple of coupons over. Xisuma briefly considered the cheese-tastic move of brushing his fingertips over Mumbo’s hand but ooh that was too _scandalous_ even for him.

“Do cats even spawn in the desert?” Xisuma joked lightly desperately driving away any bad thoughts from his head.

“That’s what I said!” Mumbo replied thrusting his arms skyward in indignation.

“They do in villages!” Iskall beamed “besides you already have whiskers, it’s literally perfect!” laughter followed, Mumbo rolled his eyes gearing up for a lengthy ramble. Xisuma nodded absent-mindedly, staring at Mumbo’s lips.

‘I’m going to rebid right abso-fucking-lutely now’ he thought watching the cat man argue with a cactus animatedly. He almost didn’t notice Grian sliding up beside him with the most mischievous grin that ever graced his face.

“hey Suma, you wanna see the best part of Mumbo’s costume?” He asked, eyes glinting excitedly. Without warning, Grian pulled on Mumbo’s collar making the taller man stumble and for the pleasant tinkling of bells to fill the air. The collar was pretty loose, and the give of the leather exposed a strip of skin dotted with pink marks and a bite mark or two. Xisuma's breath hitched as he felt his cheeks heat up again.

“Grian! What on earth!” Mumbo exclaimed catching himself just in time, he clutched at his neck in bewilderment. Grian winked at X while Mumbo directed his rambling towards Grian.

Xisuma groaned silently as he brings his hands to his face.

‘these guys are going to be the death of me’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing in a weird and lighthearted manner, kinda bordering crack fic territory but I assure you I take this seriously lol.
> 
> Also no, I'm not gonna do a day by day because that's gonna take a while and I don't really have a lot of plot for this lol, I thought this was gonna be 2 chapters tops then I wrote it, suddenly I'm at 8k words. Granted a lot of those words are for the side smut (one of which, happens in this very chapter, post your guesses in the comments and I shall neither confirm nor deny it ;D) and inbetween chapters that I might post after this is done
> 
> Addendum: Mumbo's 'buy my bits store' this season 7 is fkin FUEL to my brain hole right now and the monkeys with typewriters in my head are angrily mashing the keys but no fics have come out yet.


	3. Doc is the crudest one so far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple more days pass and the bid barrel starts feeling the burden it has sworn to carry. Mischief has entered the chat and he has plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, you know what I forgot to do? Introduce myself. Hello babes my name is Gamble but you can call me Gim for short.

5th day out of 8

Doc’s jaw dropped. He took a look at the barrel to assess just how much he was going to drop into it when the absolute bundle of Scar’s bid completely overshadowed both his and Xisuma's chips. He shut his eyes close, feeling a migraine coming on.

More fireworks and an eventual landing of another hermit, Doc opened his eyes to see whoever it is. Xisuma, of course.

“Doc”

“Xisuma”

They greeted each other curtly trying not to laugh at how seriously they’re taking the storage wars. A little bit of mirth did bled through with the subtle crinkling of the corners of their eyes.

“There’s a new contender” Doc announced, voice low and dangerous. Xisuma nodded

“So I’ve seen” he replied “Gonna be a hard fight, Scar’s pretty rich” he pulled out four stacks of bidding chips with his name on it and looked Doc in the eyes. Doc raised an eyebrow, growling deep in his chest. “check” Xisuma grinned.

Doc might not have seen that grin but he sure as hell felt it.

\-----

Grian poked his head out of the tall grass as he stared at the scene unfolding in front of him. Xisuma and Doc a breath’s width apart staring each other down, there was a weird steamy tension in between them that Grian can’t quite place. He strained his ears trying to eavesdrop but to no avail. They were both whispering in such low voices that Grian just assumed they were confessing some hot kinks to each other.

Xisuma launched off into the sky leaving Doc with his arms crossed in front of the last container. After a couple of moments Doc followed suit looking like a man with a mission.

Grian’s mischief senses tingled.

He stepped outside the bushes and into the storage wars area eyeing the buttons hungrily. He was about to go to town when he remembered how proud Mumbo had been of this particular project. He whined and resigned himself to at least read the dang book.

Speed reading though the 6 odd pages Grian tossed the book back into the item frame and began pushing buttons in earnest, He carefully looked through each container trying to find what could possibly inspire some sort of reaction. He also made sure to take a peek at the barrels, looking for two names in particular.

When his eyes landed on the last barrel stuffed to the brim with bidding chips he almost smacked his forehead with how obvious it was. Taking a peek, Xisuma, Doc and Scar’s bidding chips nearly tumbled out just increasing his confusion.

When he clicked the button and the gravel fell, all he got was more questions. It was just a bed? And Mumbo’s missing jacket! Grian chuckled, Mumbo’s been tearing his base apart looking for that thing, even his own monster of a storage system was ransacked once or twice.

“Mumbo’s gonna flip when I tell him where he forgot his jacket” his amusement slowly fell back into confusion. “Wait a minute this doesn’t explain the bids” He looked around to see if anyone was near and clicked the button again. 

He got ready to just scan the absolute heck of the place analyzing what could’ve possibly inspired a bidding war of this magnitude. Still nothing but a jacket on a bed. As the gravel rose for the last time something seemed to click. Xisuma’s odd reaction towards the tallest Architect!

Grian’s eyes widened as he audibly gasped.

“oh… OH!” a grin started to form on his face, he looked at the barrel with the bids again “X, Doc, and Scar huh”

This is going to be fun.

\------

6th day out of 8

Five stacks of bidding chips is what Doc brought back the next day. Honestly at this point it isn’t just about the possibility of spending a night between Mumbo’s legs, its a point of personal pride too. And Xisuma! Xisuma _definitely_ knows how to push his buttons.

He did think about various ways to pad his diamond count and the seductive call of item duplication weighed heavily in his mind. But that just wasn’t the Doc way now was it. He might have an arsenal of frowned upon ways to get materials but he respects his fellow hermits too much to pull the wool over their eyes.

So, mining it was, a good couple of hours just to make sure he had enough.

Standing in front of the storage container again, he couldn’t help but to begin formulating plans. Outbidding X was only a matter of perseverance he’s sure, despite having access to some arcane commands that may bend even reality to his will, Xisuma swore himself off them, wanting to live as fair as possible, there _were_ a couple of moments where he slips up sure, but when it comes to something like this, Doc was one hundred percent sure that Xisuma’s gonna get all his diamonds in a legitimate manner.

Scar however… was rich from Concorp **and** from Cherry Computers. Looking back, Doc’s sure that he’ll even be doubly determined to win this bid. He knows of Scar’s slight obsession with Mumbo, and it doesn’t just stop at the man’s redstone prowess.

Granted he was the same in that regard.

He sighed, annoyed with the circumstances. He did think about just asking Mumbo for a quick romp every now and then but the words usually dies on his lips. Mumbo never really seemed interested in the horizontal tango, more focused on his mega builds or grand redstone projects.

Can you imagine asking him though? He’d probably blush, stutter a bit. Doc bit his lip, temperature rising, he’s imagining it quite clearly, this not being his first rodeo. His hand twitches, his first instinct to rub his forming erection.

“Hey Doc!”

Startled, he almost dropped the bidding chips he was holding, desperately covering up the front of his pants.

“Who the-” Doc turned wildly risking actual whiplash, a quick swap had his trident at the ready.

There stood Grian, an oddly ominous grin on his face.

“Grian” Doc cleared his throat, putting his trident away. He did however, keep a hand on it, wary of the man in front him. How can the smaller man in front of him contain so much unpredictability that it translates into intimidation. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nothing much” Grian replies slowly walking towards the bidding bits box, he rummaged around picking up multiple stacks. “Just gonna make a couple of bids”

Doc narrowed his eyes, there was something in Grian’s tone that he can’t quite place.

Grian walked straight past all the other boxes, stopping only in front of box number 5. Doc felt a growl build up deep inside his chest blocking the way to the bid box on reflex. This only seemed to amplify Grian’s grin.

“Hey Doc, I have a proposition” Grian announced. Doc frowned.

What does Grian want now?

\------

“Ah, mmm, Iskall” a sharp gasp and a low moan followed.

“yeeees?” Iskall replied, teasingly. Mumbo whined.

“I- ah! I need to check the storage wars” he groaned

“then who will I practice my massage skills on hmm?” Iskall accentuated this with a particularly heavy knead on the man’s lower back resulting to another low, needy moan “besides I’m sure its working fine, I mean, you built it” He adjusted his position straddling his fellow architect’s legs to have a better angle on his back.

The strong smell of the rose oil filled the air as Iskall applied more of it to his palm. He generously slathered it on the expanse of Mumbo’s back, focusing on the shoulder blades in particular feeling for deep knots and gauging his reactions to his touch. Seeing the man underneath him writhe in pleasure tells him he’s doing a fine job.

Grian had asked Iskall to distract Mumbo for a while, and to definitely stop him from going to check on the Storage wars area. Iskall didn’t know the exact details but any chance for mischief, especially towards the MumboJumbo himself, well, he just can’t help himself. 

“You’re so good at this. Why are you so good at this?!” Mumbo groaned with a hint of frustration as Iskall ran his thumb across a particularly sore spot. Iskall chuckled in reply.

“wouldn’t you like to know Mr. Nosy” Mumbo gasped as he pressed on both sides of his lats, pushing upwards with constant pressure, this got a strangled cry from Mumbo as his toes curled.

Iskall grinned, this was going to be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make a Tango joke somewhere after Doc's hilarious ephemism but I could not, for the life of me, think of anything that fits. Speaking of euphemisms, I have a webpage open of 400 of em and another tab with a random number generator, I roll the dice and if the number it lands on doesn't immediately repulse me I try to use it lol.
> 
> In other news, I know a couple of people who, if you have a heavy enough hand and know where to apply pressure, just melts with a single touch, even in public, which is a pretty useless superpower I suppose.
> 
> There's also another side smut here, which is honestly pretty obvious if I do say so myself. I wish I could show you babes my document and the color coding I do lol, especially the notes to myself, they're pretty funny, but then again I'm my biggest fan and I think I'm hilarious.
> 
> So two side smuts so far, and one main smut for storage wars. Honestly the main smut is pretty intimidating to write.


	4. When Joehills sees more than he bargains for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final day is here, the bid boxes opened, bidding bits counted, and winners properly named. Joehills makes a cameo and Mumbo suffers through a blue-screen. Who won? Who's next? Wait wrong tag line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the boning tag, I'm pretty sure that if I don't write smut the sheer power of Doc's blue balls will allow him to teleport to my location, snap my neck, and kill me instantly.

7th day out of 8 but _at night_

Scar snuck towards the bidding area, a hundred percent intending to camp out the storage wars for any last minute sniping that can occur. He got a tent ready, some snacks, and a couple of Jellies for warmth and company.

After setting up camp he took a peek at the bid box and gasped. Five stacks from X? And six and a half from Doc?! He has to admit this was getting ridiculous. He wasn’t worried though, he brought _a lot_ of diamonds. Enough to feel smug about it even. Didn’t stop him from being startled when a loud grunt echoed from the entry slope of the Storage Wars area.

A pillager was rudely accosting him, staring at him threateningly while waving around his loaded crossbow. Feeling a bit brave, he decided to have a bit of fun.

“storage wars security! I assure you I did not enter the premis-” the words died on his lips as a very familiar hiss echoed behind him. Time felt like it was in slow motion as he whipped around, trying to see where the creeper was coming from, maybe even defend himself if he had the chance, he reflexively brought his arms up to shield his face and shut his eyes.

A loud thunk brought him out of it, just in time to see the creeper pinned to the wall with a trident, it struggled for a bit before disappearing in a puff of smoke, leaving the trident deeply embedded in the wall, it gave a couple of magical hums before zwooping back into the hands of the owner.

There was Doc, trident on hand, perched on the railway system bathed in moonlight. The sight was absolutely breathtaking. Even with the distance he could see the sharp grin on the man’s face.

“Hello Scar”

Scar gulped, the deep gravelly voice made his knees weak and breath hitch, he’s in trouble isn’t he? The sound of the pillager dying had Scar jump to attention turning his sights to the source.

“and I’m here too!” Xisuma announce a bit too happily, brandishing his sword after just stabbing the mob to death. Scar felt himself sweat, this was probably the worst possible outcome for tonight. 

Doc dropped right in front of Scar with a loud crack, all parties deciding to ignore the deafening sound in favor of _the mood_.

“h-hello Doc” came the meek reply, slowly backing away only to stop in his tracks as he bumped into someone “Xisuma” he chuckled nervously “wh-what are you guys doing here” Doc moved in quickly trapping Scar between a rock and a hard place.

“we’re here to make a deal Scar” Xisuma grins, holding Scars hands to his side. Doc further pinned them into the wall.

“wow where did that wall come from” Scar mumbled, very much nervous being in the middle of this sandwich, despite that, he felt his pulse quicken and a familiar stirring down below. Heat rushed to his face, he wasn’t gonna lie, this was pretty fuckin hot. Doc chuckled, cupping his face and staring right to his eyes.

“A deal you can’t refuse”

\----

The Final Day

There was something funny about seeing Mumbo run around his base with a whole thing of bread shoved in his mouth. Very much like an anime girl late for her first class, he was late, late to his own event that he himself set the date and time to. The bidding in the storage wars were meant to end in a couple of minutes and yet here he was running around his base like a headless chicken.

“where on earth is my elytra?!” he tried to yell out in frustration coming through the bed muffled. He went back in his bedroom to angrily munch on the offending baked good. Even his spare elytras were missing! He _could_ just boat out, but it was going to take so long and it was shaping up to be such a hot day.

Frustrated he laid down on his bed, this actually gave him a new vantage point, catching a glimpse of something on top of his tree. He blinked. Wait, what? There was a shulkerbox on it. He jumped up to reach it, seeing all of his missing elytras and a couple of stacks of rockets. He hurriedly equips one and rockets out, not even entertaining any possibility of how they got there in the first place.

He arrives at the Storage Wars fifteen minutes late which was actually, still pretty early for him. He immediately got to work rummaging through the bid barrels. Being neck deep in maths, he didn’t quite notice someone walking up to him.

“Howdy there Mumbo!” came the cheery greeting, startling the man out of mental additions. Mumbo faced the hermit with a jerk almost losing his footing. It was Joehills! Smile on his face and bags under his eyes, a distinct smell of sweet but earthy carrots seem to emanate from him. Joe yawned.

“Joe! I didn’t see you there!” Mumbo got a chance to take a closer look at the man, concerned, he raised an eyebrow “erm, are you alright mate?”

“I was invisible here all night waiting for snipers” he yawns again “My neighbors did **not** let me sleep” for a split second Joe gets an odd look in his eyes like a man who has seen too much. Mumbo’s concern grew.

“neighbors?”

“anyways, I’m here to claim my winnings” Joe beams, bouncing excitedly. Mumbo perked up.

“Oh! Which one?”

“the paintings of course!” he grins holding up some diamonds.

“oh ok! Let’s get that sorted shall we?” Mumbo skips towards the 4th container with gusto. Opening the bid box to count out the chips. Joe had bid a ridiculous 84 diamonds and had come out on top. Mumbo cleared out the gravel and paused, he remembered these paintings… of a certain Vincent Van Goff, basically worthless. He felt sweat bead on his forehead. Joe had paid a small fortune for these and he might not be too happy knowing he basically paid 84 diamonds for some wool and a couple of sticks.

Joe skipped through and eagerly but gently collected the paintings from the wall. Mumbo held his breath, did Joe not see the signs behind the wall? If he did, he showed no sign of any negative reaction towards him or the paintings. Instead the slightly manic giggling from the man just made him worry.

“Thank you so much Mumbo! This was a blast and I am thrilled with my purchase!” Joe announced frantically running outside the container, shulkerbox filled with paintings carried above his head like a prize. He immediately shot off and flew into the horizon leaving Mumbo very, very confused.

All’s well that ends well I guess?

He returned to the front and continued the interrupted maths, determining who won what, he posted signs in front of each container with the names of the current owners. Looking at all the winning bids he’s quite sure he at least broke even with his investment.

He saved the final container for last remembering that it broke a stack of bidding chips in the third day. Holding his breath, he opened the container… and froze. Any and all thoughts chucked out of his brain right into a flaming heap of garbage.

His storage wars had been using renamed iron ingots as bidding chips… and one iron ingot represents a diamond… so, Mumbo supposes that a block of iron renamed is equivalent to a block of diamonds… and there was a stack of iron blocks in this bid barrel… meaning that someone, for some reason, bid a stack of diamond blocks on this bed.

At long last it was Mumbo’s turn to lose all composure, not unlike a computer experiencing a blue screen, he was vaguely aware that he was rambling nonsense to himself.

With wild eyes he scanned the blocks for a name, only finding a set of coordinates. This was technically not allowed, he _specifically_ asked for names. But then again this was a lot of diamonds. He did consider the possibility of a fellow hermit pulling a huge prank on him because so far, that was a bit more believable than someone bidding a _**stack of diamond blocks**_ for a _**bed**_.

He shakes his head, picking up a block with the coordinates etched on it. If it was, then who was he to deny a good prank? But if it wasn’t… well, then he’d be a stack of diamonds richer, wouldn’t he. He groaned and brought down the gravel. He made up his mind.

‘I suppose I should’ve expected to do the delivery and installation too’ He got an empty shulkerbox and started packing up the bed, redstone and all. Securing the box in his inventory he took off, nervously heading towards the coordinates.

Curiously, the little plot point was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did maths for this chapter, opened a calculator and everything.
> 
> No side smut for this chapter sadly, but I'm pretty sure theres supposed to be one next chapter, which might be the last chapter, not counting the bonus chapter. So many chapters. Also given that the next chapter is the smut, it might take some time to get out.
> 
> Fun fact: I actually played on the season 6 world to gather research for this. My laptop complained yes, but playing in that world just makes me weirdly happy.


	5. Congratulations on the new bed purchase!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mumbo delivers the bed, Scar does a little taste test, Doc does a little stretch, X does a little magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _babes_ its been a while
> 
> Excuse the weird tone shifts I was consuming an unhealthy amount of media to try to crunch this one through and I gotta say, the range is mountainous.
> 
> what's that? a 4k word update? Why yes! Yes indeed.

\------

The location, it turns out, was at the middle of the shopping district. Specifically, it was a stone button nestled inconspicuously between a couple of bushes. Mumbo frowned, at this point he’d be surprised if it wasn’t a prank.

He sighed, no use trying drag this out, changing the pace of the writing at this point might just be jarring and unpleasant to the people reading.

He braced himself, he reached through the shrubbery and gave the button a quick punch.

The ground below him shifted and he fell, fear coursed through his veins as a weightlessness seemed to- oh that… wasn’t as far as he thought, he didn’t even get a chance to scream as he landed, doing minimal damage to his ankles.

Mumbo found himself in the middle of a medium sized room. The ceiling held a simple torch chandelier in the middle, bathing the room in a warm yellow light that set the mood. The muted red terracotta walls were supported by spruce logs pillars, feeling very much like a cozy cabin in the middle of nowhere. The plush carpet that lined the floor made him hesitate, not wanting to step on it with his shoes on.A couple of plants here and there and the presence of two end tables, honestly the only thing missing was a bed.

“huh, maybe it’s not a prank after all” he hummed placing the shulkerbox down, he started setting up the bed in record time wanting to get out of his current situation as soon as possible, he dug through the floor where he needed to and replaced blocks as he went, not wanting to ruin the vibe of the place. As he finished the contraption and covered up everything that he could, he started to look for an exit. “I better get paid for this” he announced to the empty room.

The sound of pistons firing brought Mumbo back to his senses. Looking toward the sound, a familiar silhouette blocked the door. Squinting against the harsh light of the open door, he sees Scar wearing a particular jacket.

“Hey Mumbo!” He greeted the confused man as he entered the room. Mumbo raised an eyebrow, was Scar wearing his suit jacket?

“uhh, hey Scar” he replies, “wait are you the one who bid a stack of diamond blocks in the bid box?” Scar giggles.

“well I just can’t pass up the opportunity to own my very own MumboJumbo suit jacket” Scar twirls “hope you don’t mind me taking it early though, I just couldn’t wait!”

Ah so that’s where I left my jacket, Mumbo thinks. Well he still has a couple of jackets back home, he could let go of one especially for a stack of diamond blocks.

“it looks good on you dude!” Mumbo grins seeing how much Scar loved wearing it, Scar blushes as he coughs to clear his throat.

“a-anyways, is this the bed?” he stutters plopping himself on the silky sheets. He ran his hands on the fabric delighting in its softness. “since you’re here, how about you show me the works?” There was a twinkling in Scar’s eyes that Mumbo would've seen if the lighting was a little bit brighter.

“oh right, okay well” Mumbo moved closer to the bed, and in turn closer to Scar. He reached over Scar in search for the hidden button panel “there’s a couple of buttons here that-” A gentle pull on his tie was followed by a similarly gentle pressure on his lips. Whatever he was about to say next was lost to the aether. Scar gasped.

“I knew you’d taste like redstone” he giggled taking in the dumbfounded look on Mumbo’s face.

“uhh, what just happened?” He mumbled, his face burning. Scar cupped Mumbo’s face and placed another kiss on his lips.

“we’re taking the bed on a test drive!” he announced impishly. A switch seemed to flip within Mumbo as he took a deep breath.

“If you say so” there was a slight grin on his face as he pushed Scar down into the bed. Mumbo went for another kiss that took Scar’s breath away and made the builder arch his body towards him. He opened his mouth and gladly let Mumbo in, melting as their tongues moved together in a delicate dance. Scar felt lightheaded, the burn in his lungs reminding him to break away for air.

They panted in unison, Mumbo tugged on the jacket Scar was wearing wanting to undress the man.

“wait, leave the jacket on” Scar whispered “it smells like you” Mumbo, bewildered, blushed even harder at the words. Before he could make a response he was pulled back down into the comfort of Scar’s lips.

Mumbo settled into unbuttoning Scar’s shirt exposing his chest into the cold air.

“Oh! Before I forget and possibly get beat up later I have something to confess” Scar started and continued before Mumbo could respond “I’m not the only one who placed that bid”

“what?”

“its sort of a group effort” at his words the hidden piston door activated again revealing Doc, arms crossed with an eyebrow raised, following closely was Xisuma helmet-less and smiling brightly.

“took you long enough” Doc scoffed before being ungracefully pushed aside by Xisuma who immediately went and snatched a long deep kiss from Mumbo.

Head empty. Mumbo just stopped thinking in fear of overloading his brain. What is even happening? He tried thinking of what series of events led him to this point in time. Just confusion after confusion and then he’s here kneeling between Scar’s legs with his face delicately cradled in their leader’s hands receiving, perhaps, one of the most spine tingling kiss this week so far while Doc watched nearby. This felt like a set up for an elaborate joke.

He felt a moan bubble deep in his chest as he felt the lightheadedness settle in. Pulling back from the kiss he gulps down air, cursing Xisuma’s lack of oxygen dependency.

“What on earth is happening?” Mumbo’s face rivaled that of a stop light, glowing like one too… you might need to get that checked out dude.

“Oh Mumbo, after auctioning off a lovely night with you, you should’ve expected there to be some sort of shenanigans happening” Xisuma chuckled licking his lips, Mumbo’s eyes flickered down, staring at the slick, dark purple appendage in wonder. Scar snickered, his sneaky unbuttoning of the architect’s shirt interrupted.

“I-I, what?” Mumbo stuttered, distracted, has he ever seen Xisuma’s tongue before? What a random thought to have. He felt a shiver run up his spine and heat pool in the bottom of his stomach. He started to feel very very warm.

Warmer still as the impressive heat of another body pressed against his back.

Doc was like a furnace with arms! Mumbo wondered briefly if it was the creeper side of the man, but once again his thoughts were scrambled by the grip Doc had on his hips as he was roughly pulled flush to the man’s body. It had a tinge of possessiveness that made Mumbo’s knees weak.

Aside from the more pressing matter making itself known on Mumbo’s ass, he could register a faint rumbling deep inside Doc slowly growing in intensity.

Boy, Mumbo is really focusing on the wrong things here isn’t he?

The simultaneous sound of silk slipping and a zipper unzipping brought him back to the present. The flash of red as his tie was undone and pulled by Xisuma accompanied by Scar’s little victory ‘yay’ as he finally got Mumbo’s pants open were stark reminders of where he was and what was happening.

“come down here with us Mumbo” Scar grins, hands delicately tracing the architect’s muscles, he sat up and began pressing light kisses to the expanse of Mumbo’s abdomen, enjoying the shuddering breath he pulled from the man. He almost mewled in pleasure as he felt Mumbo run a hand through his hair.

Doc pulled at Mumbo's shirt, instincts telling him to tear it off the man and go to town but hey, he’s waited this long, might as well savor every second of it. Tugging it off slowly he pressed his lips to every inch of skin he exposed, kissing and marking as he went.

Mumbo let out a shaky sigh prompting X to capture his lips once more. He couldn’t stop the moan that escaped his throat as the prehensile organ X has as a tongue languidly moved around his, sending electric signals of pleasure up and down his spine. He didn’t even realize when he closed his eyes and put his arms around Xisuma’s neck.

“got ya!” a quick nip on his lips and Xisuma's playful tone made him aware of a certain tightness around his hands. His tie was wrapped around his wrists, the redness of it providing a delectable contrast to his pale skin. He felt his breath hitch and his pants tighten. How on earth did that happen.

“Time for the main course” with one swift motion Scar pulled down Mumbo’s pants, freeing his erection. Licking his lips he wasted no time and took the man into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks. He locked eyes with the architect as he desperately bobbed up and down his dick grabbing by the base of his length. Mumbo made a strangled cry being trapped by Scar’s hungry gaze.

“S-Scar! My word!” He whimpered, if Doc wasn’t holding on to him so tightly he was sure he’d collapse. He felt Xisuma shift, unhooking his tied hands from his neck.

“Blimey! I have to do everything here don’t I?” he laughs, with a snap of his fingers, all of their clothes exploded off them in the most dramatic fashion he could conjure, except for the suit jacket of course, X wasn’t going to risk getting on Scar’s bad side right now. Doc’s grip tightened even more as he hissed.

The sudden absence of clothes did two things. It highlighted a… very firm and very _warm_ issue pressing itself right between Mumbo’s ass cheeks and made Scar moan as the cold air hit his own erection sending delightful vibrations up Mumbo’s dick.

It was a bit too much.

Mumbo came with a desperate moan. He would’ve fallen forward if Xisuma didn’t catch him. He felt Scar’s throat twitch around him as the man struggled to swallow, when he did pull away he was panting heavily with a satisfied smile on his face.

“You did so well Scar!” Xisuma beamed, patting Scar’s head who grinned in turn “How bout it Doc, you ready?”. The man in question grunted in reply leaving a light bite on Mumbo’s shoulder as he walked around the bed leaving Mumbo’s trembling weight to Xisuma.

Doc positioned himself leaning on the headboard and dragged Scar towards him so he was in between his legs. Doc couldn’t help himself as he pulled Scar’s face towards him tasting Mumbo on his lips, a deep growl building up in his chest as he got his tongue involved. Scar shivered in delight his hands grasping at the secure grip Doc had on his chest.

Xisuma took Doc’s place behind Mumbo but not before appreciating the sight before him. He even gave Mumbo’s bum a cheeky little squeeze which got him a startled yelp. Xisuma hummed, pulling at the tie around Mumbo’s wrist.

“This tie looks good on you Mumbo” X whispered, one hand supporting Mumbo while the other tested the tightness of his binds. Mumbo bit his lip, heat slowly but surely returning to his limbs.

“s-so I’ve heard” he mumbled as a reply looking down at himself, as he shifted his arms he felt the binds tighten, it sent a jolt of heat downwards that made the blush return to his cheeks.

“have you now?” Xisuma grinned salaciously as he rest his chin on Mumbo’s shoulder “I think Doc and Scar agree”.

Mumbo turned his gaze to the previously preoccupied duo and gasped. They were both staring at him, eyes clouded with lust, the intensity of their gazes gripped him making his breath quicken.

Scar had his legs folded coyly leaning on Doc as a 16th century monarch would on a chaise lounge. Doc in had the gaze of a hunter eyeing his prey.

Scar moved first pulling Mumbo down into a kneeling position, he settled against him by wrapping his legs around his waist, moaning lightly as their dicks touched. Mumbo desperately wanted to lay his hands on the man below him but with him restrained, he was limited to supporting himself so he doesn’t collapse. Scar did pull him down lower giving him the chance to rest on his elbows while making out.

Familiar scents filled the air as the warm rose scented oil dripped from up high landing on Mumbo’s lower back. With the addition of rough calloused hands teasingly spreading the oil around, Mumbo felt 100% reinvigorated.

He shivered hyper aware of the way he was positioned. Face down and ass up, he felt so _indecent_ and so _exposed_ as he felt Xisuma toy with his backside, spreading the warm goop around, deliberately _missing_. Beneath him, Scar was definitely close if the sounds pouring out of his mouth were any indication his hands were clinging onto Mumbo with a quiet desperation and his kisses were getting a lot more sloppy, his sharp little canines making itself more known.

A sharp inhale escaped Mumbo as Xisuma finally went and slipped in an index finger. Mumbo buried his head in the sheets right by Scar’s neck trying to muffle the needy moans interlaced by their leader’s name bubbling out his throat.

Spurred by his reaction, two pairs of hands started fondling him all round, pinching, caressing, and admiring the expanse of his body, like he was under attack by a horny squid. It felt overwhelming and he didn’t know where to focus, the pleasure he felt was beginning to completely override all his other senses. As more fingers did their work stretching and preparing him, the more labored his breathing got as he rambled complete nonsense. Honestly, if he didn’t just cum, he’d most likely be losing it around now.

“Mumbo, Mumbo please I need you now” came Scar’s frenzied plea “I-I prepared earlier, j-just” a little affirming nod was all Scar needed as he guided Mumbo closer to him, at this angle, he was thankful to whoever put a pillow beneath him that raised his hips to the proper boning level, he let lose a breathy high pitch whine as he felt the whole of Mumbo fill him up to the brim, he arched his back and clutched at the sheets in ecstasy.

“You’re both doing so well” X bit his lip as he lubed himself, all self restraint flying out the window as he pushed the tip in, trying his hardest not to immediately piston the poor architect.

Time was at a standstill as Mumbo reeled at the feeling of filling and being filled at the same time, he didn’t even care how loud he was being or what words were coming out of his mouth. All he know is that he could probably die happy in this point in time. He registers a tight grip around his hips as Xisuma pulled back.

The first thrust had Mumbo seeing stars, and the brutal pace X had set after took Scar on that ride. Every time Xisuma pulled out he took Mumbo with him and every slam forward translated into Scar like a kinky Newton’s cradle. The obscene skin on skin slaps reverberated around the room along with their needy moans, its an absolute good thing they were underground because geez they were making quite the racket.

Mumbo took a glance towards Doc who had been pretty much silent this whole time, the only reminder that he was in the room being the oppressive heat constantly radiating from him. He froze, Doc’s eye were boring holes into him as if willing himself to etch the sight right into his retinas, with how sharp the gaze was there was an underlying note of tenderness in them which made Mumbo’s chest ache.

Doc seemed to get the message as he cupped the architect’s cheek pressing an uncharacteristically tender kiss to his lips. Doc tasted spicy Mumbo noted, like cinnamon. The kiss didn’t last long as Xisuma picked up the pace causing a chorus of gasps, moans, and mewls from all parties involved.

Mumbo, desperate to hold out and keep this mounting high, found himself a job to do, it was actually staring at him right in the face, right by Scar’s head, being lazily stroked by the owner.

It was Doc’s turn to freeze as Mumbo craned his neck towards his dick, licking the tip timidly, silently asking him to move closer, _begging_ Doc to use his mouth as he pleases. Doc felt his resolve crack, roughly clutching at Mumbo’s hair giving it a little pull.

As Mumbo felt Doc’s rigid cock hit the back of his throat he felt complete, laying down the last piece of dust in a complicated redstone circuit powering a fuck machine. Doc matched the pace quite well despite the awkward position and limited space. The sensation of being in the middle of all this was otherworldly, like floating in a tub of pure pleasure with a dick in his mouth.

Scar bit onto Mumbo’s shoulder as he came, making him reel back in shock. The sharp tingling pain set fire to his whole being, making him immediately follow suit, filling Scar with a choked cry. Xisuma groaned low in his throat as Mumbo tightened around him, managing a couple more thrusts before losing it all collapsing on top of Mumbo.

As X pulled out Mumbo shivered violently feeling warmth drip down his thighs, he was still twitching inside Scar but the man in question seemed content being in that predicament, licking the fairly deep gauges his canines left.

Mumbo drew in a shaky breath, comfortable in Scar’s tight embrace, he was exhausted and his limbs knew it, barely having any strength to hold him up, he desperately wanted to just fall asleep. The haze in his brain slowly but surely clearing up, confused, he felt like he forgot something, something dire.

Xisuma was the first to move pressing a kiss to his temple. He walked around the bed and flumped down defeated besides Doc… Doc who was looking at him with an eyebrow raised and a far too amused smirk, Doc who was still hard as a rock.

Oh no

Doc slowly unfolded from the bed, towering over them. This angle just emphasized how _tall_ and _intimidating_ he was. He stretched his arms over his head in an enticing display, accentuating the ripples of his toned muscles, Xisuma whistled loudly at the show. He cupped Mumbo’s chin and lifted.

**“ _My turn_ ”**

The underlying growl in Doc’s voice sent a concentrated jolt of electricity directly to Mumbo’s sensitive bits. Doc lifted him up effortlessly, pulling him out of Scar in the process.

Scar let out a high pitched moan tinged with disappointment at the loss of warmth. Xisuma chuckled as he dragged the pouting Scar beside him offering him golden carrots and first row tickets to the show.

Doc basically threw him back down into the bed, pleased at the view. Half-lidded eyes, the dusting of red on his cheeks, the slightly open mouth, his panting breathes, his heaving chest, the marks they made, the marks! Who knew the three of them could create such a constellation of marks and to have them contrast beautifully against Mumbo’s pale skin.

The rumbling was back full force, Mumbo felt it as Doc raised his leg to hook it over his shoulder, the asymmetry made it so that he was lying on his side facing X and Scar. Mumbo shivered, the body was tired but the penis wants another round. It doesn’t help that he was in a very lascivious position, very much meant to put on a show.

Their audience stared in rapt attention.

Doc slammed in with no hesitation wrenching a desperate cry from the man under him. Mumbo was far too sensitive for the quick and brutal pace, the fact that each thrust was a direct hit to his prostate was not helping with his predicament either. He was vaguely aware of the words pouring out of his mouth like some sort of delirious chant.

Gods it felt like he was melting, everything was so warm, he’s already came twice, and the abundance of stimulation was overwhelming. It all made him lightheaded, made him feel like he was toeing at the edge of his consciousness. He sees Doc and his intense stare, drowning in it, X and Scar merely centimeters away from them, captivated.

Doc apparently decided that it wasn’t enough and wrapped his large hand around Mumbo’s dick, helping him along. Expletive after expletive rolled down Mumbo’s tongue, his arms held over his head trying to cover his face, he was close, he was too close, he was desperate.

For the third time in the past hour Mumbo saw stars. His voice was hoarse as he let out a long drawn out moan. His whole damn body convulsed, orgasm hitting like a freight train. Doc growled deep in his throat as he came pulling out at the last minute to paint Mumbo with his mark.

Mumbo was floating, feeling weightless and serene. He felt completely at peace. Crap, did he actually get dicked so hard that he died? Wait no, the feeling was returning to his limbs. He was breathing hard, eyes fluttering open. Doc was beside him pretty much doing the same.

“what a sight” Xisuma muttered breathlessly, eyes filled with awe. Scar giggled besides him

“that was awesome” he sighed, truly satisfied.

“Gods I’m inclined to agree”

“GRIAN?!” Scar choked on air with his sudden outburst, Xisuma who was sitting beside him was equally bewildered.

Grian shook the last of the invisibility particles away, His hair was tousled and his face was beet red, he was also breathing rather quickly. His trousers seem to be missing, thankfully his sweater covered anything below his waist and above his knees. Doc groaned passing a paper with a written IOU on it to the half naked man.

Mumbo groaned.

“I knew you were behind this somehow” he sat up, despite the big reveal he was pretty nonplussed, used to Grian's shenanigans. Said man grinned as he untied the tie, releasing his wrists. He presented an ice cold pink potion to his fellow architect as an apology. Mumbo swiped it and chugged it down gratefully, feeling the energy trickle back into his system. “Scar I’m pretty surprised you didn’t smell him”

“I- my uhh senses were preoccupied” he mumbled pulling Mumbo’s jacket around him.

“I’m not gonna ask” Xisuma groaned having a little stretch of his own, quick as a flash he stole a quick kiss from Mumbo “Ooooh regen! Can I have some?” Grian laughed as he got another bottle from his inventory enjoying how flustered Mumbo was. X took a large gulp and offered some to Scar.

“you okay Doc?” Mumbo asked poking him in the ribs, he was slowly starting to feel better while Doc looks like he’d rather pass out then and there. It was supposed to be the other way around Doc. The man grumbled in response.

Years of tension released in on day, Doc felt like jello in a sauna. Mumbo’s cheery attitude about the whole thing made his chest feel lighter. With how he’s bickering with the others right now you wouldn’t even notice what hes been through a couple of minutes earlier… granted he _is_ still covered in jizz… **his** jizz, Doc noted, the rumbling began again deep in his chest.

“erm Doc, correct me if I’m wrong but, are you purring?” Mumbo asked sheepishly. The sudden rise in temperature of the room was accompanied by the slightest bloom of red on Doc’s face making Xisuma laugh, Grian and Scar let out a high pitched squeal.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Doc coughed launching off the bed, his poker face set and his voice lowered, trying to exude intimidation while rummaging through the room.

“aaaw, I didn’t know you can do that Doc” Scar was giddily bouncing on the bed while Xisuma wheezed in laughter, Grian had mischief written all over his face.

“Xisuma where are my clothes?” he asked the laughing hermit. X tried to calm himself down, succeeding to the point of light giggles.

“probably in the bathroom” he replied wiping the tears out of his eyes.

“I’ll never let you live this down Doc” Grian grinned as Doc stomped past him, punching a hidden button that opened a piston door into a hallway.

“we have a bathroom here?” Mumbo asked, Scar beamed

“Multiple! We kinda made this place for the bed but in the process me Doc and X thought we’d just go all out”

“Oh speaking of, who gets the bed? You three all paid for it after all” Mumbo narrowed his eyes “you _did_ pay for it right?” Xisuma snorted

"of course we did, its probably in the bid box by now” he ran his hands over the bed cover again “as for the bed, were just gonna keep it here” seeing Mumbo’s confused face he clarified “we are in the shopping district after all, for a couple of diamonds a couple of hermits can come in here and uhh, experience one of the greatest beds money can buy” Xisuma smirked looking deep into Mumbo’s eyes “you get a free pass for life though” he winks, making Mumbo splutter ears tinged red.

“smooth” Grian commented nibbling on a golden carrot Scar had offered him earlier

“smooth” Scar agreed sipping the regen potion. Mumbo cleared his throat as he stood, bristling as a dull pain on his lower back reminded him of earlier activities.

“ow, uhh I’m gonna take a bath” he chuckled sheepishly, Grian launched himself off the bed

“I’m going with you” he announced running ahead, Scar tumbles out of the bed catching up to Grian

“me too!” he turns back to their leader “how bout you X?”

“you lot go on ahead, I’ll follow in a bit” X was lounging in the bed typing away on their communicator. He smiled as the three’s cheerful banter disappeared into the distance.

Worth every fuckin diamond. He smirks to himself as he hit the send button.

\------

Xisuma: Hobbit Hole now open! Pm me for coords!

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo that took a while didn't it? anyways, I haven't written smut in a while and I'm like, super jelly of authors who write them really well. so a bit of constructive criticism would really bang, okay?
> 
> Ok babes enough serious talk I'm so fukin stoked I've finally finished this! Gods up above and down below we've done it. I'm also pretty proud of it considering its my first four person boneage. Right heck what do I usually put here? I don't know I'm just happy I finished this lol.
> 
> Look forward to the next chapter where I reveal a couple of secrets like a shady conversation and a fragrant recipe.
> 
> Excuse me officer this is my emotional support simile.


	6. On conversations and lube

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sketchy conversation full of innuendos plus the chance to mess with Doc, what else can you ask for!
> 
> An additional epilogue marks the end of a series! wow!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's it called when theres references to season 7 in a season 6 based story? Like a call back but for the future? Foreshadowing? Idk lol.

\------

Chapter 3.5

\------

> Grian walked straight past all the other boxes, stopping only in front of box number 5. Doc felt a growl build up deep inside his chest blocking the way to the bid box on reflex. This only seemed to amplify Grian’s grin.
> 
> “Hey Doc, I have a proposition” Grian announced. Doc frowned.
> 
> What does Grian want now?

“you know Doc, being neighbors with Mumbo, I end up learning lots of things about him” Grian moves closer to Doc, his sly smile at full blast. “Did you know that he _really_ gets flustered in a group?”

“what are you saying?” Doc was confused, this was a turn of events he wasn’t expecting

“I’m just saying that Mumbo gets really hot and bothered when _working_ in a _group_ ” this was accented by slow deliberate raising of eyebrows “especially if the going gets _rough_ ” Doc froze

Is… is Grian saying what I think he’s saying?

“and sometimes he does something so silly, you just have to show some _restraint_ and not pick on him ” more eyebrow raises and pointed tones.

“…”

“he’s pretty good at giving blow jobs”

“whoa whoa okay alright I get it!” Doc raised his hands in surrender, worried that his stoic facade was about to burst. Who names their pants ‘stoic facade’ anyways. Grian snorted seeing Doc break character and actually show emotions like shock and embarrassment for a change.

“oh good, you weren’t really reacting so I thought you didn’t get the hint”

“how would you even know these things? He isn’t even interested in uhh, these… activities” Doc gestured wildly trying to calm himself

“dude what, I love Mumbo and what I’m about to say I say in the most positive light I can shine on him but he’s a gigantic slut”

Docm77.exe has stopped working

“what”

“you don’t even need to ask him sometimes, just tackle him and have your merry way with him.” Grian continued seemingly unaware of the mind blowing facts he was spouting.

“ _what_ ”

“yeah that's pretty much how I got to fifth base with him”

“that’s-”

“oh don’t worry about it he’d tell you if he’s not feeling it, he uses the global safeword X set” Grian hummed “not very often though” he chuckled

“why are you telling me all this?” Doc narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the man in front of him, was he just setting him up? Grian's eye sparkled in mischief.

“I just want to watch honestly” he beamed. Stunned, Doc choked on his spit, his coughs echoing around the shopping district. He was **not** expecting that.

“Grian!” he spluttered trying to breathe. Grian snorted again. Why was messing with Doc so funny?

“ _what_ , you can’t blame me” giggles overtook him, Doc’s expressions were getting better and better, he actually looked _scandalized_ by the idea. “here I am wondering why Mumbo wasn’t invited in the weekly hermit orgy and it turns out you _all_ see him as an innocent chaste angel?” he shook his head in disbelief “If he wasn’t such an unobservant spoon he’d probably take offense to that”

“weekly hermi- what?!” Doc wondered if he had short circuited halfway through this conversation because it was at the point where nothing made sense anymore.

“listen, how about this, all the information I’ve given you is pretty valuable” Grian started, token Cheshire cat grin painting his face “how bout we settle this by you giving me an IOU? andbylettingmewatchyouravageMumbo” Doc glared at him trying not to give away his internal turmoil, but the sweat collecting on his forehead betrayed him. The long stretch of silence was broken by a long annoyed groan.

“ugh _fine_ ” Doc huffed “but I’m not giving you the IOU until after” Grian shrugged.

“fine by me! glad we got all that worked out” Grian tossed the bidding chips back in their original container and took off with flourish giving Doc a cheeky salute.

Doc shoved the bidding chips he was holding into the box with another huff. A new plan was brewing deep in the recesses of his mind. He took out his communicator and shot off a quick message.

Doc: hey X we need to talk.

Xisuma: owo?

Doc: what? Listen I’ll just meet you at your base

\------

A Short Epilogue

\------

“so Mumbo, what gave me away?” Grian grinned sitting at the head of the table at the Sahara offices.

They just got back from the underground bone zone. With the aid of a couple more regen potions Mumbo declared himself fit to work and shot off to Sahara with Grian and Scar in tow, Doc and X had bade their goodbyes, one a bit more gruff than the other. Xisuma actually stole _another_ kiss before fastening his helmet back on and launching off into the stratosphere leaving Mumbo a blushing mess.

The remaining hermits gathered around the meeting table, enjoying the air conditioning in the room. Scar was enjoying it a bit too much, snoozing away in Iskall’s usual seat.

Mumbo hummed scribbling away at a clipboard.

“The lube mostly” he replied drawing a little diagram of a circuit, inspecting it, then erasing it.

“aw, I knew it” Grian pouted.

“well, its a very distinct smell” more scribbling “I mean, its the reason you can’t stand being near a bunch of roses anymore on account of you getting hard every time” he added absentmindedly, thinking of adding more observers.

“Hey! its not like I’m the only one” Grian scoffed, light tinge of pink dusting his cheeks. “you should’ve seen Iskall the other day, now **that** was a sight” he chuckled. Soft snickering joined him, Scar was sleepily listening on in the conversation.

“who came up with the recipe anyway?” Mumbo asked, adding 4 ticks to a certain repeater.

“A Grian and Iskall collaboration that was” Grian puffed his chest up proudly.

“we should sell those” Mumbo mumbled, removing a couple of comparators from the circuit.

“you know Mumbo that’s one of the best ideas you’ve had yet!” Grian clapped his hands “Hey Scar would you buy a bottle of the rose lube if we sold them?”

“speaking as a co-founder of Concorp I have to say no” Scar yawned settling in further into the seat “BUT, speaking as a connoisseur of fantastic scents I’m gonna have to say yes” he smiles cheekily.

“that’s settled then! Lemme make a couple for a trial batch. How much should we sell them for? Three diamonds a pop?” Grian ran into the storage room as he spoke, gathering some water bottles and a brewing stand, he rummaged around for some extra materials.

“hm, sounds reasonable” Mumbo replies, was that where he meant to put the T flip-flop? Maybe.

Grian placed the filled water bottles in the correct slot and added the necessary fuel. The first ingredient is a measured amount of slime with a pinch of blaze powder, not enough to make it into magma cream though, they learned that the hard way, they just need enough heat to add a pleasant warming sensation to the final product.

A couple of rose petals comes next, infusing even the air of the office with that strong fragrant smell.

“oooooh that really does smell nice” Scar shuffles nearer the brewing stand happily sniffing the air.

“right?” Grian replied, the red on his cheeks seemingly getting brighter by the second. The final _secret_ ingredient, Grian slaps a handful of glowstone dust in for that added oomph.

The bubbling noises died down signaling that the process was done. Grian took one of the finished bottles and held it against the light. Pale green liquid sloshed around inside with glittering flecks of red. He held the bottle up to his nose and gave it a light sniff. A deeper shade of red painted his face before he got a cork to seal it in.

“that’s it right there” he whispered “How bout it Scar? Interested in being the first customer?” he asked cheerfully, shaking the bottle. Scar hummed.

“depends…” he replied, resting his elbows on the table “do we get to test it out first?” he smiled coyly.

Grian mirrored his expression as they seemed to telepathically communicate with each other. They looked at Mumbo in unison, then at each other grins intensifying.

Two shadows covered the distracted architect’s clipboard as the fragrant scent of roses filled the air.

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well babes, this story is now done and dusted... Not counting the side smuts though that's still coming out soon, maybe in a couple of days.
> 
> I love reading all your comments! you guys are so nice and encouraging, brings a tear to my eye.
> 
> Extra bits: I love writing Doc as this dude who just wants to be taken seriously but everybody knows he's a huge goof ball with a little edge. Xisuma I write as fairly mischievous+mysterious, not exactly acting like a leader would sure, but he is their leader and commands respect even if he doesn't mean to. Scar is chaotic neutral and very sense focused with the whole diamond licking thing recently and maybe some other head cannon I have, I did pepper a bit of clues and head cannons around to spice it up but mild enough to not be over-bearing.
> 
> No side smut for this chapter sadly, I need to finish up the storage wars era so I can move through the season lol, I'm determined to finish the S6 ideas before working on the S7 ones and I have to say the S7 ones are multiplying like crazy every week.
> 
>  **Coming Up Next:** "Storage Wars Side Smut: Costume Shenanigans"

**Author's Note:**

> I'm open to questions and what not, maybe not suggestions just yet cuz this things pretty much done and dusted, I just need to finalize the last couple of chapters.
> 
> I've condensed the book a bit, if you want to see the whole thing there's a recap that's focused in the storage wars lol.
> 
> Also yes! mumbo-centric is a thing I'm trying to do, because I'm a huge slut for Mumbo and there are a couple of stuff and things I'd like to pen down that's inspired by the ingame things that are happening.
> 
> Critique me gently babes, I haven't written anything since the heady days of that old fanfiction site.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Sticky Intuition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25614706) by [Sharo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharo/pseuds/Sharo)




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